How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce

If you’re parting ways with your spouse, you might be wondering how to break the news to your child and what details you should give them. You may also be concerned about shielding your child from the pain of divorce and maintaining their sense of stability. If you’re searching for guidance on how to talk to kids about divorce, there are a few considerations to keep in mind so you can ensure their best interests come first.

The following are several tips on talking to kids about divorce:

1. Choose the Right Time and Place

When preparing to talk to your child about divorce, it’s important to choose the right time and place. Since this is a very emotional situation that requires a quiet environment to react, it’s best not to tell your child in public. Pick a comfortable location, such as the family home, and a time that is free from distractions. Avoid breaking the news on or near major holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. This can cause them to link the holiday to their emotional distress and turn that day into a painful reminder of the divorce in the future.

2. Present a Unified Front

Tell your child about divorce together, if possible, to ensure they hear a consistent message. Making the announcement together can help reduce a child’s stress and show them that you are a unified front. It also demonstrates that you are committed to your child’s emotional wellbeing so they know they can rely on both of you, even though you no longer live together.

3. Keep the Conversation Age Appropriate

The approach taken when talking to kids about divorce will depend on their age and emotional maturity. While preschoolers might need simple and repeated explanations, older children have a greater capacity to understand the issues related to divorce. But regardless of what age your child is, you should always put their best interests first and foremost. Understanding how to talk to kids about divorce in an age-appropriate way can make these conversations less overwhelming. Avoid placing blame on the other parent or putting your child in the middle of adult problems.

4. Reassure Your Child That Both Parents Love Them

One of the most important things to emphasize when talking to kids about divorce is that both parents love them no matter what. Children may need to be reassured of this frequently, especially if they are younger. While this can be a confusing time for a child, be sure to let them know they are not responsible for the breakup and they will still get to spend time with both their parents.

5. Explain What Will Change and What Will Stay the Same

Explaining what will change and what will stay the same can help provide your child with security, reduce their anxiety, and give them a sense of stability. Maintaining your child’s regular routine whenever possible can help provide them with a sense of normalcy and predictability that is critical during this time of transition.

6. Practice What You’re Going to Say and Anticipate Questions

While talking to kids about divorce can be a challenge, you might want to practice what you’re going to say to your child. Prepare a simple message with your co-parent that covers all the points you will be talking about. Although you should be honest with your child, keep the conversation brief and avoid sharing too many details. You should also anticipate questions your child may have and have your responses ready. Learning how to talk to kids about divorce ahead of time can help you feel more confident and prepared.

7. Encourage Your Child to Express Their Emotions

Divorce can be an emotional whirlwind for a child, just as it is for spouses. Encourage your child to express their emotions about your divorce and create a non-judgmental space for them. Reassure them that their feelings are normal and give them the time they need to process their emotions. Let them know it’s acceptable to feel scared, confused, overwhelmed, sad, or angry. In addition to keeping the lines of communication open between you and your child, encourage them to use creative outlets to express emotions that they may not be able to put into words.

8. Seek the Emotional Support You Need

While you need to remain calm and emotionally strong for your child, it’s crucial to seek the emotional support you need. Process your own emotions before you tell your child about divorce to ensure you are steady for them. Whether you talk with a friend, family member, therapist, or join a support group, make sure you have a healthy outlet for your emotions and a solid support system.

Contact an Experienced Utah Divorce and Family Law Attorney

If you’re going through a divorce with children, it’s vital to have a knowledgeable and compassionate divorce attorney who can help you navigate the legal process. Based in Salt Lake City, BartonWood offers reliable representation and trusted counsel to clients for divorce and a wide range of family law matters. We invite you to contact us online or by calling 801-326-8300 to schedule a consultation with an experienced Utah divorce attorney.