How to Tell Your Spouse “I Want a Divorce”
If your marriage hasn’t been going well for quite some time and you’ve done everything you can to try to repair it, you may be considering parting ways. However, how to tell your spouse you want a divorce can be one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have — especially if they didn’t see it coming. Here are some tips on how you can have this discussion with your spouse.
1. Choose a Time When You Won’t Be Interrupted
Timing is everything — especially when it comes to having the divorce conversation with your spouse. Speak with your spouse privately when you are both home and calm to make the talk less stressful. Do not initiate the conversation when either of you are angry or feeling emotional. This can only lead to more hostility and fighting.
2. Prepare Emotionally for the Conversation
One of the most important things you can do when preparing how to tell your spouse you want a divorce is make sure you are in the right frame of mind. You may be feeling a number of emotions and it’s important to keep them all in check. You should also be prepared for your spouse to react emotionally — they may be feeling angry, confused, sad, surprised, and hurt. If you’re not sure what you want to say, consider writing down your thoughts in advance so you will know what your talking points will be.
3. Don’t Discuss the Issues in Depth
Even if your spouse isn’t surprised when you bring up divorce, don’t discuss too many details regarding the issues in your case during your first discussion. Not only can this be overwhelming for you and your spouse, but it could also result in you ignoring the important legal and financial rights you might have. It’s best to consult with an attorney before you talk about property division, alimony, child custody, and child support with your spouse.
4. Be Confident and Calm
Be sure to remain confident and calm when you tell your spouse that you want a divorce. Take deep breaths if you need to and try to maintain your boundaries. Listen to what your spouse has to say and be honest about how you feel. If the discussion starts to become heated, it’s best to suggest that you both take a break and return to the conversation after you’ve both had time to cool off.
5. Use “I” Instead of “You” Language
Don’t place blame on your spouse or criticize them when you have the discussion about divorce. Use “I” statements rather than “you” language and be sympathetic with them. Ultimately, “I” statements can help to frame a situation as something that can be solved together, rather than sounding like you are attacking your spouse.
6. Put the Best Interests of Your Children First
When you are thinking about how to tell your spouse you want a divorce, be sure to always put the best interests of your children first. While you and your spouse should prepare to inform the children together, don’t have the initial divorce conversation in front of them. Remind your children that both their parents love them and the divorce is not their fault. By telling your children together, you are presenting a unified front which is crucial for co-parenting.
7. Consider Mediation
Whether you’re having difficulty communicating with your spouse or you want to keep your case low conflict, mediation can be a beneficial alternative to litigation. It can help spouses communicate in a healthy manner, reach creative compromises, and find solutions that wouldn’t be available in the courtroom. The process can also ensure you maintain amiability if you will be co-parenting with your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
8. Consider Getting Professional Help
After you’ve brought up divorce with your spouse, you might both be dealing with very strong emotions. It’s not unusual for these emotions to make communication more difficult with each other. A family therapist or marriage counselor can help you and your spouse deal with the wide range of emotions that come with parting ways and work with you to find clarity. They can also assist you both with discussing what went wrong in the marriage, if that would help you find closure.
Contact an Experienced Utah Divorce Attorney
If your marriage isn’t working out, knowing how to tell your spouse you want a divorce can be difficult. However, a skillful divorce and family law attorney can provide compassionate advice and help to guide you every step of the way. Based in Salt Lake City, BartonWood provides knowledgeable counsel and trusted representation to clients for a wide variety of divorce and family law issues. To learn more about our legal services and how we can assist you, call 801-326-8300 or contact us to schedule a consultation.